The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

40 Things You Would Love To Say At Work





1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.



2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.



3. How about never? Is never good for you?



4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.



5. I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to see it my way.



6. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?



7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.



8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.



9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a dam word you're saying.



10. Ahhh. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.



11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.



12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.



13. I have plenty of talent and vision: I just don't give a dam.



14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth



15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.



16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.



17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.



18. Any connections between your reality and mine are purely coincidental.



19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?



20. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.



21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of karma to burn off.



22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.



23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be.....?



24. Do I look like a flipping people person to you?



25. This isn't an office; it's HELL with fluorescent lighting.



26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.



27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.



28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?



29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.



30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.



31. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.



32. Oh I get it. Like humor, but different.



33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 2?



34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.



35. Nice perfume. Must you really marinate in it?



36. Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is finally done.



37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?



38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.



39. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.



40. Wait a minute - I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.